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The One Where I Word Vomit

January 20, 2019

 

Y’all. I cannot...NOT say something about this. And I have to warn you...I’m going on a little bit of a rant. Something usually only my besties fall privy to. This is the one where I word vomit all over my blog....and you, my faithful and lovely readers. Maybe you’ll enjoy this side of me...IDK.

 

Here’s the thing...I’m a youtuber. My family...we're vloggers. It’s the full time career that Sam and I have been blessed with. When I say blessed...I’m not being basic. This gig is a FULL BLOWN gift from the Lord.. One that we know has purpose for the kingdom. Starting in January 2019 we announced that we would be taking a break from our daily vlog...and from Youtube as a whole. We actually sat down and made a video explaining exactly why we made this decision and what/who led us to make this decision.

 

I mean....as a whole, we could probably ALWAYS say things better/clearer...but for real, we spelled it out. This break was introduced to us months ago via a prompting for the Holy Spirit. Over the months of November and December I really began to pray for answers regarding the prompt and what to do/how to proceed. Sam, however, wasn’t on the same page.....yet. 

 

The timing of when Sam got on the same page was all God. He’s so good and gracious and specific in that way. Sam got on the same page one way or another. That’s all that matters. The Holy Spirit was laying things on my heart and he connected the dots between my heart and my husband’s in ways only the Holy Spirit can do (it’s a cool story...I’ll share that soon)

 

I can’t share the story AND the word vomit all in one blog. It’s too much. Anyway, here it comes....

 

WHY......WHYYYYY do we as humans...assume SO many things? You know what they say about people who assume things right? No? oh...well, then google it. And please don’t tell your parents that I taught it to you because TECHNICALLY, google taught you. Anyway, as of right now...you are a human reading a blog. You’re sitting or standing or taking a bubble bath or using the bathroom while reading some words on a screen. That is a fact. However, I can’t safely assume that you are wearing shoes? Or sneaking this in while on the clock at work? Or using your mom and dad’s data while not connected to wifi?  What if I did that though? What if i assumed every possible negative thing about your situation right now? You must be breaking your curfew to read this right? You told your husband you were working on some stuff but really you’re scrolling the gram instead? 

 

Do you get my point? Here are some actual assumptions being made about me every. single. day on the internet....

 

I faked a miscarriage....I faked the death of a child. Me. The mother of 3 kids with many friends who have lost children of their own. 

 

I’m being abused into mind control by my cheater husband. 

 

I’m oblivious to the fact that my husband is having ongoing affairs right now, as we speak. 

 

Those are the worst ones and they are flat out lies.There’s not even an ounce of truth to them.  Can you...in your current state of life...imagine even ONE of those things beings spread around about you like a wildfire?! Probably not. And there is NO GOOD REASON for any of it other than the fact that some people FEEL GOOD by spewing their assumptions in public forums so they can get some extra attention from strangers on the internet. 

 

So crazy. So incredibly crazy to me that IN THE SAME SPACE where so many encourage and uplift us...pray for us...there’s an entire crowd of others who are absolutely dragging my name through the mud based off some gossip that a teenager or middle age man drummed up in his free time. 

 

 

Hey you, the one who’s hating on me...instead of taking total stranger’s words to heart....believing their “maybe” information...why not just find out who I am for yourself by actually watching a vlog or 2? Or reading my blog? I’m not saying this because I need everyone to like me or look up to me...that’s not possible. I’m a human...I make mistakes. And I do willingly put my life out there for people to watch and criticize.....I get that...

 

No, I say this for you. For your future self. For the side of you that is good. I believe it’s in there. We all have a good side...we were made by the Creator of the universe. I say this for your children...the one’s you might not even have yet...the ones who you leave a legacy to. Most importantly I say this in hopes to make a change....to bring awareness to a sickness that we have in this modern technology crazed era we’re all apart of. You don’t have to say mean things to people. You don’t NEED to say your every thought. You don’t have to publicly announce your speculations, especially regarding LIFE and DEATH...and something as sacred as marriage. It is simply not your place to do so. 

 

Thankfully, you practiced on someone whose protection comes from above. You’ve spewed hatred into a place where light will always outshine the darkness because of who I live for. Light will always outshine the dark. One day though, your words could be directed to a weaker vessel...to someone on the edge of suicide. To someone questioning their purpose in this life...their marriage...their career etc. Mean words....do NO good. You can make a choice in those moments...to LOVE...or simply to do nothing. Put the keyboard DOWN and walk away. 

 

I just took the deepest sigh of relief. When I’m vlogging or intsa-storying.... I rarely go off on the deep end and I certainly don’t reply to hatred. This had to be said though. So many people are watching my every move...and that’s ok. God has ordained all of my steps and His plans are for me, not against me. If you’re reading this....maybe you’ve thrown some crazy shade my way...I want you to know I’m not mad at you, I don’t resent you, and I forgive you. I forgive those who accuse me of lying about the death of my unborn baby for views and money. I forgive those who call me mindless and controlled and abused simply because I forgave my sweet husband for a mistake he made in the early years of our relationship. Shoooooot, I’m so thankful that I’m forgiven for my mistakes. Aren’t you?

 

Also, please know that you are loved. You might be very unhappy in life...but you ARE loved. You are valued, you are worth everything to our Father. 

 

To those of you who have supported, uplifted, encouraged, and prayed for our family over the years....both in person and over the internet: Thank you. The love far outweighs the hate The good overpowers the bad. And the light always always always pushes out the dark. Your prayers and love are felt by our family and means so much to us. 

 

That’s the end. I don’t know how to end the word vomit sesh...but if you made it this far. Thank you for reading.

 

I love you guys. 

 

 

 

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